Spoiler alert: I very much care what people think of me. And I’m proud of that.

I’ve watched people flinch when they hear that sentence, like their instinct is to hyper analyze that in today’s world who cares what people think. As if it makes some fragile or weak when then they’re simply aware of how they’re perceived. As if other people now have the power over me. As if the only way to live is hovering in the clouds, completely unaware of what the world is doing around me.

But not only do I find that unrealistic, I find it simply…kind of sad.

Caring what people think can be shallow.
It can also be deliberate. It can be a craft. It can be what you live for.

And it can also not destroy you along the way.

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The way I see things is this → I care deeply about how I’m perceived because it’s a litmus test of my values. It’s wondering if you’re being seen as who you are. It’s how I signal what I believe and what I stand for.

I care that what you see, is who I feel I am.

And seeing the sentiment “You need to stop caring what people think” is kind of what got us into a place where too many people have a microphone and too many bad ideas are taking over. We all do better with a level of curiosity around our public persona - whether with friends, family, coworkers, etc.

It matters how you move about the world.

But not in the way that most people say it.

Personally, I don’t care about everything. I don’t care if you think I’m hot. I don’t care if you think I’m trendy, or cool, or fun. Hot, trendy, cool, fun is all available for sale on amazon. You can buy it, borrow it, outsource it, refresh it every season. For less than $20. Hot is cheap. Fun is easy.

What I want people to care about instead, what I care about personally, is way deeper than something that’s in today, out tomorrow.

I care if you’re interesting. Curious. Cultured. Kind. Witty. Risk taking. Brave.

Those qualities take longer to cultivate. They’re not cheap buys. You have to build it, own it, step into it, you have to be willing to be different, vs the same as everyone else with a Rhode phone case.

To me, I will absolutely always care if I’m seen as strong, which also means showing my weaknesses. In fact, this past week I shared an email with my membership of entrepreneurs of the hardships I’ve faced in business and mistakes I’ve made. To me, that is strong - and not in some red-pill never let them see you wince kind of way.

I’m someone who wants to be seen as resilient - someone who may get knocked down but always finds an optimist way through the storm, never even realizing I was knocked down in the first place, because there’s always a way through.

And when I think of the people who I love to talk to, who open up my worldview, who make me think, who make me say “Damn I like that person”, they’re always someone with passion. If you have a deep interest in Pikachu and how the Pokemon world works, I could listen for hours. Tell me the nuance of all of it, I know none of that!

If you want to share why you think Degas is one of the most beautiful sculptors, I want to hear it! What a wonderful way for me to think about the world and get to know art better, a subject I only know little about.

Have a hobby that’s different from social media.
Have an interest that you dive into and join communities around.
Have a favorite director and watch all their work.
Learn what tricks made your favorite movie work the way it did.

All of this requires caring, it requires time, it requires investment. It requires a development of self. You don’t stumble into these qualities accidentally. You live in a way that makes them part of you.

I care what people think of me because I care about who I am becoming and I know that perception is feedback. It’s a mirror. It’s data. It’s your way to understand not only what values you have, but also what values matter to you to share.

And listen - maybe you want to be hot and fun, get it! Who am I to say no!

But then what?

You get your hair done, your new makeup, your workout clothes, you feel hot - and now what? Can we do 2 things - can we have a goal that makes us feel good and another that embodies what we’re becoming? Because to me, that’s the win.

I think the goal is to decide which qualities you want attributed to your name, then live loudly enough that people can’t miss them.

That takes intention. That takes care.
and it’s not a cheap or easy endeavor.

And I’m fine with that.

But in a world that’s gotten very “work life balance”, very alone and insular and accept what you get, the people I know like myself who are ambitious feel out of place. Hustle is a bad word and lunging toward something you want BAD BAD is too pick me, it’s too cringe, it’s embarrassing. And this movie reminded me that being someone with innate ambition, drive, is something I love about myself. It’s a very practical recognition of behavior I already have and don’t usually see reflected on screen.

This movie is about always having your back against the wall, always like you’re swimming upstream, always being the underdog, and never feeling anything but an unwavering belief that it all plays out for you at some point.

It made me think about my own life, what I’ve gotten (which is a lot), what I’ve lost (which is a lot), and as someone who is stepping into her year of being her most ambitious, putting the pedal to the metal, I couldn’t have chosen a better way to ring in the new year than with a renewed sense that it’s fucking GO time baby.

I’ve always been someone who people say “everything just works out for you doesn’t it” and my answer has always been something like “it’s not luck though - I just never stay down long enough to even notice it”.

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Here’s what I was reminded from the film:

1 - There’s no such thing as setbacks

Nothing that happens to Marty ever becomes a setback in the way that other people would experience them. Other people lose their money and say “I failed” and move on to the next opportunity, probably a safer one. He finds a way through.

I remember when I was in my 3rd year of living in NYC, my credit cards were 110% maxed, my score was in the garbage, and I hardly made enough to live. And unfortunately for me, I learned that if I went to one specific CVS (the only one this would work at) on 11th ave and 47th st, I could buy a pack of gum for $2, and hit “$100 cashback” and take “money” out of my debit card account 2 days before payday before the chargeback would hit. I used this trick a lot (effectively cheating my bank system) for different reasons.

If there was a networking event that I needed to go to for my career or if I needed to look good for an interview, or whatever reason I was cooking up at the time, I’d use CVS as my ATM. I also realized that Rent the Runway would give you $30 off a rental (it was their first year) with the code BIRTHDAY but they didn’t have it set up yet to only use once per person, so I’d rent new designer clothes to wear to work or interviews or dinners to impress people using that code over and over and until they told me to stop lol

I could’ve thought “man this is so embarrassing, I can’t believe how hard this is” but instead I rewarded my creative thinking and used these little tricks I found to get myself into rooms and chances that would lend themselves to my future.

It’s one of the biggest takeaways from the film - you can judge your position or you can use it.

You can live in misery that you were born into a certain life, you can be upset about your family, or your upbringing, you can be embarrassed by what you don’t have, OR you can get creative and back yourself a million percent and actually own what you do have, and what you can control.

Not everything is rosy, plans change, we lose things, life falls apart, and you move through it knowing that you are always going to figure it out, or you tap out. And as he says, that option isn’t even available to him.

2 - Hardships are just a story

I don’t really stop to process things as failures, I just register that something didn’t work and start asking what has to change now, and seeing Marty Supreme made me realize that this is what’s kept me alive, and even better, what’s kept my joy alive.

Failure is a word you choose to attach to something, it’s literally nothing else.

I’ve had setbacks, and I welcome them. I love them. Because if I made it about how I’m stupid, or not capable, or good, then the failure is I let myself down. There’s no failure that exists outside of what you internalize.

This year one of my bffs and I shared this same sentiment when we were going through hard times at the same moment. We kept reminding each other - This is only a failure if we stop now. But until then, it’s just hard, and we can live through hard.

There are so many moments in the film where someone might watch and say “ya that’s where I’d concede” and when that happens, Marty finds a creative way to keep going. If the door is blocked, he finds a window. If he can’t find a way to get to somewhere he needs to be, he has no shame in asking for help.

3 - It doesn’t always go to plan, negotiations happen

And when I say that he asks for help, I don’t mean in the “I called in a favor” way. He bends a few times in ways that are uncomfortable to him. He works with people he wouldn’t normally. He takes jobs he hates because he needs the money to keep going - jobs that require MONTHS of skill and time. He chooses these discomforts if it’s in pursuit of the long game. Giving up one uncomfortable year feels like a lifetime to some, but for those like Marty, it’s all in service to the end goal.

And that felt familiar in a very unglamorous way.

When I wanted a full time job at a “cool” fashion house instead of the zipper manufacturer I worked for, I called them up - point blank - and told them I wanted to confirm what time my interview was with them, one that I didn’t have.

They asked if I was (making up this name) Sharon who had an interview Friday, and I Ashli said - yes that’s me but can we do it sooner? Knowing that I just needed an in. I showed up to “my” interview and immediately told them I stole someones spot and I said verbatim “I would lick the floor as the janitor if I could work here. I’m good at anything you tell me to do, you’ll never hear a peep from me, I just need to work here”.

And to my surprise, they loved the tenacity and hired me on the spot.

In that same job, I was on the PR team and needed to get a dress from the Vogue office to LA tomorrow for a celebrity wearing it to an awards show and the Vogue office wasn’t getting back to me. It was 6pm and I was screwed. This could’ve been a setback, but I was never going to lose this chance I fought for over one dress.

I paid for a police report or some investigative thing, got the editors home address at 9pm, and stood outside of her house at 5am the following morning in the freezing January NYC cold because I was scared she’d have a 6am workout class and I’d miss her. I also didn’t know if it was her house, so I was delighted when it was. Of course she didn’t leave until 8am for work, so I was frozen by the time she left after 3 hours standing outside in the cold, but there I was to say “Hi you dont know me but I’m coming to work with you and I’m not leaving until I get that dress”.

And I did. And that dress was on a plane within 2 hours, in the hands of the celebrity at the LAST second she’d need it before leaving, and she swept the awards that year wearing the dress I was responsible for.

The thing is, complaining is a waste of time and in a world where opportunity is a lot of what you make of it, I’ll always find a way to get what I need.

When the door is locked, there’s always a window.

Sacrifice is part of the deal

One thing Marty Supreme never pretends is that you get to have everything all at once, and I think that’s one of the most honest parts of the movie, because ambition costs you at times and pretending otherwise is how people end up resentful and confused.

There are relationships that don’t survive certain seasons, there are friendships that can’t grow with you, there are nights you don’t sleep, weekends you don’t take, and that’s just the price. It’s love of the game.

I’ve missed birthdays, I’ve skipped vacations, I sold my Eras tour tickets 3x to spend that on my business, I’ve worked when I didn’t “have to”, and this is where ambition is always always always misunderstood. I don’t say that as a flex or to glamorize hustle culture - I say that sacrifice is part of it because if you think this is “glamorizing hustle”, then you simply do not get it. It’s just the math of wanting something badly and actually going after it.

There’s a moment in the film where you can feel how alone he is in his choices, how nobody gets it and how clearly he sees this working for it. But one thing he isn’t is scared, he doesn’t regret his choices, he just wishes people understood.

But he also knows there’s no way they could understand. The movie is literally this thesis: You get it or you don’t.

I’ve learned that the fastest way to burn out is to secretly resent the cost of your work while you’re reaching for something. That “I should be further along than this” or “they got there quicker” will kill your drive. It will also kill your dreams, and thus, your results. The fastest way to stay clear headed is to stop pretending that doing something great is also easy. That you are owed something because of your work.

You don’t get to opt out of sacrifice and still play at this level, you just get to decide whether you’re honest about how ready you are, how much you want something big.

And then the road is the road, and its time to walk it.

Love of the game always beats love of the outcome

What keeps him moving isn’t obsession with winning or making money - there’s even a point where someone comes to him with a huge financial opportunity and he says “I don’t care about the rate, but you can help me…” I won’t finish if you haven’t seen the movie.

He just wants to play. He just wants to be in the game.

He lives for it, it’s part of him. Solving problems, adjusting, building, chasing the next move, as long as it gets him one step closer and he gets to keep doing what he loves, he’s in.

He doesn’t have a nice house, or nice “stuff”. He lives in a SoHo tenement with his family (if you don’t know what a tenement is, its basically 3-4 families sharing one floor of an apartment AND the bathroom, in tiny quarters). And not once in the movie do you see him want money, or stuff, or greed as the goal. He wants to do what he loves, he wants to stay on his path.

I’ve had years where I personally make $50,000 a month. I’ve had years where I keep only $50,000 that year for my salary. Both are wins, both are fine, the only thing that really matters to me is that I’m still moving in the same direction one foot after another.

Someone said to me recently “I wish I could be like you, you never care what people think” and I actually don’t think that’s true. We all care, in some way. I don’t care if people think I’m rich, or elegant, or cool, or trendy. Who fucking cares - I don’t. I care if someone sees me and says “she’s given up”. I care if someone sees me lose faith in myself. I care if someone sees me lose my standards.

I will always prioritize those 3 things: I have high standards for myself, I will ALWAYS believe it works out, and I won’t stray from what I want.

When I think about why Marty Supreme hit so hard with me, it’s because it showed someone so completely oblivious of the world and how it views him. He doesn’t even see it - what people think of him. They think he’s crazy or working too hard or too self absorbed (and to a point he is), and he brushes it off. It doesn’t support him getting closer to the end, so it simply is what it is. He just wants to see his vision through. Many people who have seen the movie, and now I myself, have always had in us but rarely see reflected honestly.

Walking out of the theater, I didn’t feel inspired in a sentimental way, I felt recognized, like something I’ve always known about myself had been validated.

The past 2 years have been hedonistic, pleasurable, selfish almost. I made enough money that I could pursue something new, and I had enough comfort around me that I could be leisurely and slow and kick back.

And I hated it. Turns out, I’m not the cozy life kind of gal.

I was itching to get back to the thing that I really want to pursue, which is The Do-ers. Everything I do is for that business - even the secondary businesses I’ve built.

I love wanting something badly, I love betting on myself, I love staying in motion, I love finding windows when doors are locked, and I love the version of me that doesn’t stay down long enough to ever call it failure. I love when my backs against the wall, because other people may shrink down, but I find a way to scale it.

As I step into this year, my most ambitious year yet, I’m not interested in playing small to make other people more comfortable, and I’m not interested in pretending hustle is something to be embarrassed about.

I always bet on me because I always figure it out, this year is no different.
and I could say I’m ready for it, but in some ways, I always have been.

As always, not a word written by AI <3

This week we asked our membership how they want to feel in the year ahead. Usually the answers are pretty consistent. People talk about wanting work life balance, wanting things to feel less chaotic, wanting some breathing room, wanting life to feel like it’s not constantly on the verge of falling apart.

This year, the answers were different.

The thing we heard most often was, “I want to feel proud of myself.”

It kind of surprised me, not gonna lie, because this is a much deeper response than I expected. It’s not someone talking about a schedule problem or a workload problem. It’s someone realizing that something about the way they’ve been living or operating hasn’t been sitting right with them.

Idk I guess it’s more empowering and action focused; it feels like it’s actually about the future instead of about the past or present.

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Wanting work life balance usually means you feel tired or stretched or overwhelmed. Sick of how things have been going and wanting the result to come to us, or wanting to retreat all together. Wanting to feel proud of yourself is kind of the opposite, meaning you’ve reached a point where you’re realizing I have to do something about this, and questioning if the way you’re showing up actually matches the results we expect.

A lot of women are doing everything they’re supposed to be doing.

They’re responsible.
They’re capable.
They’re productive.

From the outside, their lives make sense, and we can even feel proud (at our best) or jealous (at our worst) about what they have. But we all know that nobody has it all and sometimes you have a certain amount of discomfort that builds up over time, and one day you realize you don’t really like how you’re moving through your own life anymore.

You keep pushing because pushing is familiar, and maybe even easy. “Keep doing the thing”. You tell yourself things will feel better once something clicks or once you get through this season. And eventually you hit a point where that explanation feels a littttle bit tired.

So when I see women shifting away from “I want rest” into “I want to feel proud of myself” - idk it makes me think that this is an example of something more widespread. Maybe things have been hard for many women and this is the time whe people are admitting, even behind closed doors, that yes - they don’t like where their life is. But this year might require them to move differently.

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I saw a TikTok this morning about this concept from where she’s sharing that a lot of times we think we’ll feel proud of ourselves because we “have” the thing we’ve been working for.

I’m proud of myself - because I bought the house.
I’m proud of myself - because I ended that toxic relationship.
I’m proud of myself - because I completed that marathon.

Makes sense, right? I have proof that I succeeded, so now = I feel proud.

And I hope people do feel proud in each of those scenarios!
But Daphne’s point - to me - was that sometimes those big milestones are so few and far between and we overlook a very important and exciting way to feel proud of ourselves.

To be proud of what we’ve become.

Her point is that many of us have the mindset of “Have. Do. Be.”
When I have the professional win like making $100,000, I will starting doing more workouts, and then I will be a fit fitness girlie.

When I have the love of my life, I will do the work to love myself too and I will be someone who has confidence and strength.

These are only 2 examples - and the point is that I need to achieve this thing first before I can become it. Having it makes me this new person.

And that’s really not the case.
The shift next year, if you want to be proud of yourself, has to be into:

“Be. Do. Have.”

I will be someone who prioritizes her health, and thus I will do more workouts, and I will have more energy to hit my goals, like making $100,000.

I will be someone who works on our confidence and strength, which helps me do deeper work to love myself, and doing so may help me find this partner I love.

Most people already know what would make them feel proud of their life. They know where they’ve been cutting corners with themselves. They know what they’ve been tolerating or settling for. They know which choices they keep making out of habit or fear instead of being brave or disciplined, doing the hard or right things.

The hard part isn’t figuring it out - you reading this likely know where you’ve been slacking. I know I do. The hard part is deciding to start acting like - or start becoming - the person we want to be before there’s a guarantee it will pay off. Before it feels like it’s us. It’s the quintessential fake it til you make it. Be the woman you want to be proud of before you “have” the things you think will make you feel proud.

That’s the shift.

Being someone who takes yourself seriously.
Being someone who follows through.
Being someone who makes choices you can stand behind.

Being disciplined to not let things slide, and to show up for yourself even when you’re tired, even when you’re over it, even when you’re having a bad mental health day.

When you start there - at “who am I becoming”, your behavior changes. And when your behavior changes, the outcomes you want to HAVE tend to follow, because consistency usually does that.

So when our members say they want to feel proud of themselves next year, I don’t hear someone who is over it, I hear someone who is ready. Someone who has a willingness to stop tolerating what they’ve been doing, and outsourcing their confidence to some future result instead of today’s actions. I hear someone who decided to start living in a way that actually feels good right now.

That’s a meaningful change.

Being proud of your choices today.
And then doing the same thing tomorrow.

For years, I’ve wanted to re-read The 48 Laws of Power because so many men treat it like a baseline for how the world works, and after browse-reading it in my 20s, and hearing men reference it enough times in business, politics, tech, and coaching spaces, I wanted to understand what they were all absorbing from it.

I didn’t go into it looking for inspiration for how to grow one of my businesses. Like yes, I’m ambitious, I work with ambitious women, but my inspiration was because I want to understand this widely used framework. If this book influenced the male-dominated work culture that’s been around for decades, then I want to see exactly what it teaches.

The epitome of “you can’t break the rules if you don’t know what they are”.

In just a few pages it became clear that this book isn’t just some guide to negotiating, or strategy but a legit lifestyle framework. It lays out an entire worldview where people are treated as potential threats or things to use, or emotion is a liability, or where manipulation is literally recommended for the way to succeed. Parts of it are chilling.

No one wants less power. Everyone wants more. So we need to be subtle - congenial yet cunning, democratic yet devious. Mastering the arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures in life. - 48 LoP

It feels less like reading about tactics and more like being introduced to a mindset that has likely shaped a lot of leadership behavior we’ve all had to tolerate. It’s an example of one of my biggest upsets in business: Men operating poorly in broad daylight, under the assumption that women are too stupid to catch on. Like this book isn’t widely available for purchase, or even free to listen to in some places.

As a woman, and especially as someone who has spent years helping other women build businesses and careers through The Doers, the worldview in this book is quite literally the antithesis of what we stand for in our community. Mainly because we know this behavior well - many of us have been on the receiving end of it in workplaces and in environments where we as women are mistreated. There’s this idea that to operate in power you have to be detached emotionally, control others, and sleep with one eye open at all times.

God forbid Robert Greene tell leaders to operate from integrity!

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He seems convinced that power is built on control, secrecy, and constant awareness of every person’s potential motives. It’s not only exhausting to imagine living like that, but it also makes sense of why so many men raised in certain environments lead with defensiveness and competition instead of confidence.

And we wonder why men are plaguing us with their loneliness epidemic. Their rulebook for success is quite literally “use everyone, never show who you are” - my words of course. What a beautiful way to create high walls around you instead of bridges that connect you to others.

For the future, the motto is: ‘No days unalert.’ Nothing should catch you by surprise because you are constantly imagining problems before they arise. - 48 LoP

A normal and non-anxiety inducing way to live!

What surprised me most as I kept reading was how casual the book is about deception. It acts like people who mask their true intentions are normal and elite, one of the reasons I call this book Patriarchy 101.

It encourages people to see people as “things” that they have to work around or sway to get their way, without thinking about how they might be - oh i dont know - human? When you look at the behaviors that create toxic workplaces, abusive power dynamics, or cruelty, they all trace back to the same set of beliefs I saw laid out in this preface. It’s honestly kind of wild (and repulsive) to see it described so clearly.

Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end, you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks. - 48 LoP

The goal of the preface is pretty clear: everyone is playing a game at all times, so you have to stay ahead of people who might undermine you, embarrass you, or out-position you.

It treats that mindset as normal.
It also treats it as required like you’re going to fail if you don’t take that on.

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For women reading this, some of this feels really familiar, but not as the perpetrator - moreso the observer and, in some extreme cases, the victim.

Hypervigilance has been a survival skill for women for a very long time, we know it well. The difference is that women are usually told it’s paranoia or anxiety or imposter syndrome. Women learn to manage it or become crushed under the pressure of it. That’s why women entrepreneurs thrive in community vs on their own. We believe in “we’re all in this together” while our male counterparts who read this book believe that you’re going to be stabbed in the back at any time.

What freaks me out the most is how easily someone could read this book without questioning any of it.

The book is written in such a “this is the way it is” that an impressionable mind could absolutely be swayed to take it as fact. I understand why ambitious men find it appealing. It gives them a sense of control in a world where they fear losing relevance, and it lets them believe they can avoid vulnerability (or accountability!) by mastering a set of rules. But for women who are already navigating this male dominated world, the book feels like the polar opposite of what we’re trying to build. It’s reassurance that this world is not designed for us, and so we have to build our own.

There are 3 points that I appreciated though - to give you a well rounded honest takeaway from these early pages.

1. The acknowledgment that truly the only thing you can control is your emotions and your mind.

2. A SLIGHT mention that aiming for power will completely strip you of your humanity (in more or less words, I’m being generous tbh)

3. That you will be conned by people who are trying to dupe you by their superiority messaging. A perfect example is Madi Prewitt. It says:

Innocent people will still be playing for power. Recognized these supposed nonplayers by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice.

I would’ve also included that I appreciated the section where he talks about how love is important and how being in love can blind you to ways you lose your power, an important note for women, if he didn’t immediately go into talking about how people you love can be double faced. True, absolutely, but he was so close to optimism lol

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Women in their thirties are moving into positions where we have influence, money, visibility, and authority, and we’re doing it with a completely different way. Our way includes intuition, empathy, compassion, and working together. We want leadership that feels human and supportive instead of transactional and fake. We want ambition, for sure!, but not at the price of our values.

In short, the rules are outdated. And I also think a lot of them are dying a rapid death in front of us as more women join the entrepreneurship world. (Sorry Sheryl Sandberg!)

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The more I read 48 Laws of Power, the more obvious it becomes that books like this shaped a generation of leaders who were afraid to be seen, afraid to be outsmarted, and afraid to be vulnerable. The men of the world reacted to that language. Their strategies come from insecurity, not strength, and that is why so many of our institutions still feel stuck in defensive, scarcity-driven patterns.

Women are stepping into power with a different perspective altogether, and that difference matters. Again, I’m not reading this book to join the game. We’re studying it so we can understand the mindset that built this world and so we can decide what we want to keep and what we want to discard.

We’re literally rewriting the rules, so let’s see what those rules have been first.

Thoughts?

I’ve helped manage the calls, the press, the inbox flooded with both hate and opportunity. And here’s the truth most people don’t realize: cancel culture is not doing what you think it is.

Cancel culture is a farce

If someone like Jimmy Kimmel loses his job, you can call it cancel culture. But he isn’t canceled. The second that news broke, his inbox was absolutely stacked with offers from other shows, new formats, new platforms.

I know because I’ve been on the receiving end of those opportunities as part of a crisis management team. Losing a network job doesn’t erase someone’s influence. If anything, it opens the door to more profitable, flexible, and direct-to-fan models.

Cancellation is massively profitable

And that’s the harsh truth that people don’t realize.

But being center stage in controversy is rocket fuel for relevance.
And relevance equals revenue.
Whether you like it or not.

Louis CK → Bigger audiences now than before.
Stassi Schroeder → Sold-out book tours. Twice.
Alex Cooper → A $60 million Spotify deal after a PR nightmare.
Martha Stewart → A prison sentence that turned her into an icon.

Getting “canceled” doesn’t end careers and in fact, it often accelerates them. Because controversy generates attention, and attention is the most expensive commodity in culture. It’s currency and always has been.

Some people manufacture cancellation

People would hate that I’m sharing it but again, I’m here to tell you the truth.

Controversy sells, period. And there’s an entire playbook built around it.

The apology YouTube video monetized with ads.
The comeback memoir.
The podcast that finally tells “their side.”

And advertisers know it so they line up, knowing eyes are locked on every word. And these advertisers are more than happy to shell out 6-figure deals to be that mid-roll ad on a YouTube apology because they know 10M ppl are watching.

The profit of the “redemption arc” is one that many people win from.
When everyone’s watching, you can sell almost anything.

If you’re a founder caught in the crossfire

Here’s the equation I use with clients: own it, explain it, promise it.

Shoutout to who coined this formula. She’s a great follow if you’re interested in crisis management and PR tips.

• Own it means saying directly what happened and why you’re responsible. It’s not the time to be hyper defensive or crash out. Give someone your devices and center yourself. Speak clearly. You don’t say “mistakes were made.” You say, “This is on me. I made a mistake in how I handled this. I understand why this upset people.” That one move alone separates you from 90% of public figures who try to wiggle out of it. If you only do one of these, this is the important one.

• Explain it means adding context without making a ton of excuses. Speak facts, state your side, and don’t go with lengthy details. When you explain, you show your humanity. You say, “Here’s what I was thinking at the time. Here’s what I didn’t realize until after. Here’s what I want to clarify because some of what’s being said isn’t accurate.” This isn’t justifying your actions but adds dimension to the situation. It also gives verbiage to your fans or followers so they can defend you. People forgive mistakes. They don’t forgive arrogance or stonewalling.

• Promise it means giving people a clear path forward. People are nosy and they want to know what happens next. You say, “Here’s what I’m committing to going forward. Here’s how I’ll handle this differently next time. If you stick with me, here’s what you can expect.” This is something that shows your haters “ok maybe he does see the other side”.

If you own it, explain it, and promise it, you accomplish three things.

You stay in control of your own narrative.
You keep the door open for redemption and revenue.
You show people what your values look like under pressure.

Because here’s the truth: people don’t cancel honesty.
They cancel spin. They cancel hypocrisy. They cancel silence.

Why values matter

The easiest way to not be “canceled” is to always be upfront about who you are. People get canceled when their community is surprised.

The shocking reveal, the secret life, the hidden stance.
If you’ve been clear about your values from day one, there’s nothing to “expose.”

That’s why founders and brands should plant their flag early.
Show people where you stand.

It won’t save you from criticism, but it will save you from hypocrisy.
And in a world where every public figure eventually faces their version of cancellation, values are your armor.

So no, late-night hosts won’t vanish because of a wannabe fascist with bad foundation.
They’ll sign bigger deals, own more of their IP, and cash bigger checks - hate to say it, but it’s true. They’ll be fine. Probably better than fine. Probably wealthier.

Because cancel culture doesn’t cancel.
It redistributes. It takes power from one place and hands it right back in a different form. And if you know how to play the game, it makes you wealthier than before.

As COCKY grows and evolves, we’ll bring back sharing headlines, but also extend our media to also offering think pieces and opinions. If you’re interested in writing for COCKY, please reach out to us at sayhi@cockyventures.com

Every few years, a new script is written for the ideal woman and tells us how to act. First it was being “the good wife”, cooking dinner for your husband with a smile on your face while you’re taking quaaludes to get through a Monday. But women demanded a better life that that.

Then came hustle culture: wake up at 5 a.m., grind harder, monetize your passions, never stop moving. It cost women time with their family and forced them to adopt more masculine tactics for safety, security, and stability. And women demanded a better life than that.

So then came the hard u-turn, romanticizing the homestead life: trad wife aesthetics, flowy dresses, perfect sourdough like Ballerina Farm (who is working for the record - not homesteading. social media is a job), and the suggestion that fulfillment lives only in domesticity. “Being a mom is your best job” we’re hearing now.

And what comes of all of this change are a bunch of mashups to try and find where you lie on the spectrum of work, play, and home: “liberal trad wife,” “soft life CEO,” “corporate mommy.”

It’s relentless.

Every choice a woman makes gets flattened into a label, then turned into content for strangers to judge. If you’re ambitious, you’re not a great mom and you’ve betrayed your femininity. Let me sell you a course on how to be a “divine feminine CEO”. You want to stay home with the kids and make your own food? You’ve set feminism back fifty years. Let me call you names in the comment section.

These nuanced boxes we have are new, but this policing of women is ancient and exhausting.

Because we’ve seen it before.

Jennifer Aniston was blamed for Brad Pitt cheating because she was “too focused on her career.” The story was cruel and it was also false. In fact, recently after 20+ years, she revealed she was struggling with infertility when they were together. But her ambition made her an easy target. And the messaging around this was loud and clear: a woman who prioritizes her career deserves whatever fallout she gets.

And I think where I, an ambitious woman, get frustrated is that ambition will be tolerated for women, but only in acceptable forms. Ambition is deemed righteous or beautiful when it’s artistic. A woman can be a poet, a painter, a singer and that ambition is “inspiring.” But if a woman is ambitious in commerce, math, finance, politics, or tech, the tone shifts and all of a sudden, she’s a “victim of hustle culture” to the public. Men who are obsessed with deal flow are visionaries. Women obsessed with the same thing are greedy, cold, or suspect. They’re try-hards. They’re doing too much.

That’s the double bind women live in now: ambition can be celebrated only when it fits a particular narrative, domesticity is shamed unless it’s in the “approved” format. Hobbies mean you’re picking a lane, and life choices are manifestos.

And the labeling never stops.

Ashli Pollard. The Ennegram 3, AriesPiscesAries, Single 30 something, childfree, business owner, trad wife culture - “who are you” is so quick. “Tell me what box you are in” brings a flood of judgment because nobody feels safe.

Tell me who you are so I can know everything about you in 2 minutes. So I know if I’m allowed to be myself in front of you.

Which helps…nobody. And who takes the brunt of that? Women.

But here’s the radical truth: women today are the first generation to experience autonomy at this scale. Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have the legal, financial, or cultural freedoms we now take for granted. A woman couldn’t open a bank account in her own name until 1974. Now we outearn men in major cities. We buy homes alone. We fix our own shelves, raise children in communal housing, invest in startups, and publish music on TikTok instead of begging a label to sign us. We have more tools, more access, and more independence than any generation before us IN HISTORY.

And yet, when men do these same things, they’re branded as geniuses.
Geniuses who have a wife cooking for them, doing their laundry, shopping for them.

When women do anything, we’re branded, period.

This means that any choice in any direction comes with a label: soft life, trad life, hustle life - never simply: life.

The hypocrisy that comes with it is also just as astounding as some of the people shouting loudest for women to “stay home with the kids” are doing so on a stage, as their job.Candace Owens tells women not to work, that it’s embarrassing not to focus solely on family, to resist ambition because joy is in the home. Yet she works around the clock running her own media platform, expanding her brand, building her empire. The hypocrisy is staggering: ambition for me, submission for you. Excuse me?

Which is why the only real step forward is saying out loud that women contain multitudes. That a woman can be ambitious and domestic, creative and intellectual, nurturing and demanding, or none of the above. That success is not a singular track but the agency to define your own.

Because ambition is not the enemy.
Domesticity is not the enemy.
The real enemy is the false choice between them, a cultural conditioning that requires a woman must pick one archetype and live inside it forever.

What I want most - for myself, my peers, and the women coming next - is not another identity to perfect. It’s the ability to live outside the labels altogether. To let our choices be just that: choices.

To cook because it brings joy, not because it signals a trad wife ideology.
To lead because we want to, not because we need to prove a point.
To succeed on our own terms, in whatever direction feels right.

We are the first generation with the power to live this way.
Let’s not waste it by shrinking ourselves into templates or by folding to make other people comfortable.

The thing is, these boxes are not real.
The branding isn’t real.

What’s real is the life you build, the joy you protect, and the agency you claim.

Everything else is someone else’s plan for you.
But you go to sleep each night with your decisions.

Sleep at night liking what you chose that day.

The one who believes deeply in a #FreePalestine, women's equality and freedom of choice, gun reform, and that anyone who hates trans people would never say some of the things they post to my cousins face, who is currently transitioning.

I'm loud about these things online - but ... should you be?

It's a tough call because I'm sure you never want to know you're making someone uncomfortable, you don't want it to affect a client signing with you and thus your money, and you perhaps don't want to say the same thing.

I know that you may be feeling those things, because I also felt those things for a very long time.

And if you're curious "Should I be louder on politics online?" you may be surprised to know my answer is...maybe not.

Let me explain.

There's an obvious reason "why" to share your beliefs, one I've adopted in the past 5 years. You want to share or influence or speak your mind - I think that part is clear.

But a few things do happen.

1. People DO hate me lol Let's just get that one out there lol It's made some family and friend relationships challenging, if not ended them. I've had people quit The Do-ers. I've had people send me DMs about how I'm a stupid 25 year old (when I'm 37. Thanks Charlotte Tilbury Magic Cream for taking away my wrinkles!). I’ve had 2 close family members tell me I’m what’s wrong with America. It’s not fun.

2. I do feel bad if someone who disagrees with me feels shame. I'm a human, and if I say - I genuinely do not understand what's wrong with wanting mental health checks to buy a gun, I know that someone who is deeply in defense of the 2nd amendment will be upset by that. As much as I am strong in my convictions, it does linger that I know I'm making someone feel something not so great. I'm aware of it.

3. I'm sure I've lost money from it. I know of 2 people who left The Do-ers Library to not support the fact that I'm vehemently against the genocide in Gaza. I'm sure there's FAR more people (maybe even you) who may never join my membership because of what I share, loudly. There is sometimes a price tag with taking a stand.

And then the biggest one is this (in my opinion) -

I have had a hard life. And I'm not saying that for pity, or for you to feel bad about me, or to be a victim. I could write a book on what I've gone through in my life and people would wonder how I'm still here. And strangely, I'm grateful for a lot of it.

Because at this point, nothing can really hurt me ... that badly. Very few things can actually derail me and my mental health. Ask anyone who has been through trauma after trauma and they will say the same. Your resilience becomes ridiculous when you've been through a lot.

But if we care about mental health, which I do, and if we believe people are fighting battles you would never know, which I definitely do, then I could NEVER ask or expect or shame you into being someone who shares your values online if you are not equipped for it, comfortable with it, or standing strong in where you are.

Someone bullied a friend of mine online for not speaking up about something, not knowing her husband was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 3 months ago. I will NEVER tell anyone "your silence is deafening" or "you HAVE to say something or you're a part of the problem. We simply don’t own people’s thoughts are not entitled to them. Good or bad.

And hey, you may not be ready. You may not be comfortable. and both of those are one million percent acceptable. Sometimes we find our voice, sometimes we're given one, and sometimes we lean on others to be that voice so we can uplift them. ALL are necessary.

One of the ways I've been able to reconcile "why me" with all the shit I've been through is because it gave me a voice. All of this made me into someone who can say the hard things, and not flinch. It made me someone who can be loud and can be - for lack of a better word - hated. That voice isn't because I'm an Aries, or an Enneagram 3, it's because of callouses.

And what do I do with my voice but to use it.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t take on investors, even with offers of $500k, $250k, and sometimes more. Saying what I need to has become important to me.

Which leads me to why you should share your point of view, if you feel called to.

• It's true I've lost money. It's also true I've made way more money by sharing. I've had countless people who are Muslim, or non-binary, or Jewish but pro-Palestine share with me that they are happy to know that they're in a space that has their back. My first 2 clients ever are still in my membership to this day and one has said "I know you'll always make a space that's safe for me". That means the world to me - ugh now I'm crying lol

• It's true I've lost relationships. I've had family members shout at me that I'm stupid, or brainwashed. I've had friends who I've loved tell me I'm racist against white people. I've had people say that they don't want to follow me because it makes them feel ashamed. To them I say - we likely won't see eye to eye, and although I would prefer to attempt to, some people are for a season, and some for a lifetime. I try on my good days to remember the good times, and on other days, I simply forget who they are.

But the biggest reason I do speak up is this.

Sharing my point of view can feel like I'm kicking someone out who doesn't believe in what I'm sharing. But what I share is about this community of ambitious women, and what this community believes. The Muslim religion is different than mine, and it's still beautiful. I'm not trans and I still want them to have a life that feels worth living. I want this community safe from guns. I believe in choice - not force.

I want the women who are HERE to know they're supporting someone who in turn supports them.

Someone will take that as me pushing them away.
To the women here, they know that it's me saying "you're safe here".

I am willing to lose money and I am willing to lose followers and I am willing to be misunderstood if the right people know this is a safe place to invest, a voice to uplift, and that they understand me.

And if you are not willing to do that, then I trust you, I respect you, and I want you to take care of yourself.

If this helps you at all with how you show up in a challenging divisive world, I hope you know that being pro-choice, means you having that choice matters to me. Your mental health matters to me. You matter to me.

Please take care of yourself. The community needs you well, your family needs you well, and you deserve well for yourself.

And send me a prayer, it's been a hard week - of my own making by sharing, but speaking up is the hard I would prefer.

__

If you have a friend wondering also what she should do, send this along to them. I'm completely fine with it x

Weekly Reminder: "Opportunity will find you. But it has to find you working"

I’ve been sitting with so many emotions as this year begins—excitement, nervousness, optimism, and, honestly, a sense of curiosity that makes me look forward to a fresh start. There’s so many of my plans this year that could easily go one way or another, like anything could happen, and instead of letting that uncertainty overwhelm me, I’m trying to lean into it. What if the unknown isn’t something to fear, but something to embrace? What if the twists and turns are part of what makes this year unforgettable? Part of that is the reason my word of the year is: trust.

I always try to believe that I’m getting the best-case scenario, no matter what. Something I repeat to myself when things are hard is “I’m grateful for EVEN THIS. This is better than another option I’m not even aware of”. This reminds me that there are always ways for life to just junk punch you even worse you know lol I have my health, I have shelter, and even if those things feel up in the air right now for you, you have other things to remember that are good and present.

Even when the road feels unclear, I TRY to trust that things are unfolding exactly as they should. It’s not about toxic positivity or pretending everything’s perfect, because that just shuts out emotion. It’s more about choosing my perspective on life — to believe in the possibility of something wonderful, even when I can’t see it yet. I hope you carry that belief with you too. (And trust me I fail at it too! We’re all just human.) Life isn’t just happening to us—it’s happening for us, and the question marks are often where the magic lives.

This year, I’m challenging myself to meet whatever comes my way with open arms. Whether it’s a new opportunity, a lesson I wasn’t expecting, or even a detour that reroutes me completely, I’m committed to seeing it as part of the bigger picture. And I hope you do too—let’s make room for the surprises, the wonders, and the moments that remind us we’re capable of more than we thought.

So as we move into this new year, I want to thank you for being here. Sharing this space with you is one of my greatest joys, and I’m so excited for all that’s to come—for both of us. Let’s welcome this year with open hearts, excited curiosity, and the confidence that the best is yet to come. “I’m grateful…for EVEN THIS”.

Emma Grede Invests in Offseason || Read more

• Can we talk about Emma Grede launching Offseason? She’s already built SKIMS, Good American, and Safely, so it’s no surprise she’s taking on luxury resale—and honestly, it’s genius. What I love about this move is how it bridges sustainability and accessibility while still feeling chic and intentional. She’s my life goals, and every move she makes is a masterclass in leadership and vision. It’s such a good reminder that great leadership is about seeing where the world is headed and creating something meaningful that fits the moment.

Iris Apfels Personal Collection will be up for Auction || Read more

• Iris Apfel’s personal collection is going up for auction, and it feels like the ultimate celebration of individuality. Her fearless approach to fashion—bold prints, oversized accessories, and unapologetic color—has always been a masterclass in owning who you are. This auction isn’t just about clothes or jewelry; it’s about the legacy of self-expression and the stories we tell through what we collect and wear. It’s a reminder that true style isn’t about following trends—it’s about building a life so authentic and vibrant that every piece reflects you.

Jonathan Anderson to Take Over Dior??? || Read more

• Jonathan Anderson taking over Dior? I CALLED IT. Did I not say Dior was the next sleepy brand that needed a young, creative director to shake things up? Anderson is exactly the energy they need—his work at JW Anderson and Loewe has been nothing short of brilliant, blending artistry with modernity in a way that feels effortless. This move is such a power play for Dior, positioning them to tap into a fresh, contemporary audience while honoring the legacy of the house. It’s exciting to see a designer who knows how to push boundaries step into a role like this—Dior just got a whole lot more interesting and I’m READY.

Other news:

TikTok Users Reject Meta and Flock to Chinese App RedNote (and that makes me LAUGHHHHHHH) | BBC

Tom Holland’s Non-Alcoholic Beer Launches at Target | Hollywood Reporter

Emma Watson Gin Company ‘Renais’ Receives $6M Investment | BevNet

Award Shows Change Their Dates Due To Wildfires | Entertainment Weekly

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Traitors Season 3 | Peacock - Thursdays

I am definitely known to exaggerate and say things are the best this, or the WORST EVER, or omg the funniest I’ve ever seen! But Traitors — this genuinely is one of my favorite TV shows period. Every season, a group of reality stars gets together to play this game where everyone is a “faithful” and 2-4 people are “traitors”. The goal every week is try to figure out who is trying to sabotage the group and kick off 1 person each week. The goal is that all Traitors get kicked off, so the prize $ is split among the faithfuls. It is GOOD tv - and fascinating if you’re interested in psychology!

Plus this season has Sandoval, Dorinda, Gabby Windey, Ciara from Summer House, Sam Asghari (random right lol), and more. Last season was my favorite season of TV in a while and so far this season is not a disappointment.

Somebody Somewhere | HBO Max

These 25-30 min episodes are the gold standard of incredible writing, acting, set design, everything because this show is heartwarming, hilarious, incredibly relatable, touching, and raw. The story is that Bridget Everett’s character, Sam, moves home to rural KS because her sister passed away, and moves in with her elderly parents on their farm. Along the way we meet her friends and fam like her majorly cheugy sister who is both hilarious and also incredibly honest, her annoying coworkers, but most importantly, her adorable best friend Joel played by Jeff Hiller who - to me - makes the show. Joel has a zest for life and an optimism that balances out the heartbreak Sam feels, and their friendship is a really charming one.

The wild thing for me, with television like this that is so specific (i don’t live in a rural Kansas town for instance!), is that it’s all so connective still. There’s an argument she has with her sister at one point that I literally just had in my own life recently….almost verbatim. There are feelings I’ve had within each character, as honestly as they portray it.

It’s shows like this that make me view TV truly as an art form over something mindless to have on in the background. My only regret is not starting it sooner.

Shrinking | Apple TV

I might be the only one who hasn’t watched this show yet, but you’ll notice that I’m drawn lately to “feels like real life” shows, and Shrinking is one of them. Such a smart premise too which is that these psychiatrists - or shrinks - are going through life as hard as life can be (someone who lost their spouse and is now a party animal, someone going through a divorce, someone with a frightening disease, etc)…

…but then they have to go treat their clients and take on what they’re experiencing as well. It’s a humanizing look at the other side of working in psychology, but it’s also about the importance of community, of vulnerability, and of communication.

The brands featured this week are all chosen due to the LA Wildfires. bobbie is giving free baby formula, brightland is donating evoo to anyone cooking for evacuees, and Ayoh! founder Molly Baz lost her home in the wildfires. Of course she’s not the only one, but as an avid follower for years, I felt compelled to share <3 I’ll continue to share more on my IG @ashli_p

bobbie || https://www.hibobbie.com

• Listen, I’m not a mom, but I love my friends’ and family’s babies like they’re my own—so yes, I’m picky about what they’re getting too, okay?! Bobbie is the formula I trust and that I recommend to parents…when it’s appropriate to lol It’s organic, European-style, and free from all the weird stuff you don’t want near your baby. It’s like someone finally said, “Let’s make this easier and better for parents,” and then actually delivered.

Ayoh! || https://eatayoh.com/

• Ayoh Mayo is so fun—and if you don’t know, Molly Baz is behind it, and her career is one I seriously respect. She’s one of those people who makes food approachable and cool, and now she’s given us the mayo glow-up we all needed. It’s bold, creamy, and perfect for sandwiches, fries, or anything you want to level up. Honestly, I didn’t think mayo could be exciting, but Molly proved me wrong, and I’m not mad about it.

Brightland || https://brightland.co

• The kitchen is my happy place, and if there’s one thing I’m a little bougie about, it’s EVOO. I’m also such a SUCKER for a trendy and pretty olive oil brand like Graza or Flamingo Estate, but today we’re talking about Brightland. Their olive oils are not only next-level delicious, but the bottles are so gorgeous they practically double as decor. It’s the kind of brand that makes cooking feel like an act of self-care, and honestly, I’m obsessed. If you’re ready to elevate everything from your salads to your bread-dipping game, this is the one.

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☎️ Book a 30 min consulting call as an approved advisor through The North

💰 Hire me as a business consultant - more info here.

🎧 Tune in to The Daily Hype podcast (Join the 400k!) - Spotify | Apple

🎙️ Tune in to The Unfiltered Entrepreneur - Spotify | Apple

Make sure to follow me on IG @ashli_p ❤️

More to come! (I have some secrets up my sleeve…ps mark your cals for January 30 👀) ILYSM! x

Weekly Reminder: "Whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should" - Desiderata

Why hello love! Missed you over the holidays!

How’s the new year treating you so far? Honestly, 2024 hit me like a ton of bricks. Almost everything I planned either fell through or didn’t go the way I hoped. It wasn’t just a couple of bumps in the road—it was a year that tested every ounce of faith I had in myself and my ability to make things work. It left me questioning everything.

What I had to learn—painfully, slowly, and imperfectly—was how to choose faith when it felt impossible. Faith in myself, faith in the future, and faith in the idea that things can, and will, get better. And that kind of mindset doesn’t just happen—you have to work for it, push for it, and actively decide to rebuild hope when it feels like there’s none left.

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That’s why I love this time of year. The first few weeks of January are like pressing the reset button - not to start over, but to realign.

• What’s staying in your life?

• What’s going?

• What actually aligns with your values, and what doesn’t?

• Are your goals really serving you, or are they just things you’ve told yourself you “should” do?

In my own spiral on January 1, I sat down and created the helpful (ok and pretty!) guide I needed for myself but realized you might need too. It’s a 50-page Life Audit Guide designed to help you take stock of where you are, where you want to go, and what’s working (or not working) in your life right now. You can do it alone, with a partner, or even as a group exercise.

The best part? It’s completely free. Soon, I’ll be charging for this because I think it’s worth that, but for now, I just want it in your hands. You’ll need Canva (it’s free if you don’t already have it), and clicking the link will give you a forced copy directly into your account.

Click to make a copy

I hope this gives you some clarity, especially if your 2024 felt as challenging as mine did. Let’s start this year with intention, alignment, and maybe a little more grace for ourselves. Let me know what you think. 🫶

I also have some major moves being made in 2025 - contracts being signed, conversations being had, and plans in motion. This years going to be FUN and if it’s not like that organically, I’m gonna make it fun god dammit lol

Let’s just say you should stay….tuned….

Although part of my new years resolution is to stop being such a distruptor (aka a cunty nightmare), I do have to touch on this before I dip my toe into being a warm happy go lucky ray of sunshine, okay?

I’m deeply…frustrated…with the discourse surrounding the Justin Baldoni x Blake Lively situation. Honestly, it reminds me of how I felt during the Johnny Depp x Amber Heard saga. Back then, I stayed quiet, only to watch my exact thoughts echoed later by others. That experience was validating, but this time, I’m not waiting. Whether or not you agree with me, I hope this makes you think.

I’ve rewritten, deleted, posted, and archived versions of this so many times. So here it is—my final take. Love it or hate it, I’m leaving it at that.

As someone who’s spent years working in celebrity branding, PR, and reputation management, I’ve seen firsthand how these public media battles unfold. If you didn’t know, I’ve been on the front lines of Scandoval and even dealt with a major celebrity going up against a network that they felt wronged them.

Here’s the truth about public feuds: they’re messy, cutthroat, and often very dishonest.

Some argue, “If someone’s livelihood is at stake, they’ll do whatever it takes to protect their image.” Others counter, “The truth matters above all.” I used to side with the truth—until I realized that truth itself is often subjective. It’s a gray area, and that gray area isn’t always shaped by facts but by perspective, tone, and context.

Take this nuance:

• A celebrity might say something true, but their tone or body language makes you doubt them.

• Another might actually have done XYZ, but headlines twist it into something that sounds terrible—despite others who were present saying that thing was actually fine.

The court of public opinion isn’t about law, justice, or morality. It’s about presentation.

Amber Heard lost public support not because of evidence but because she didn’t “perform” the role of a victim in a way people found convincing. The Menendez Brothers might now gain public sympathy thanks to a well-produced docuseries. These aren’t my opinions—just examples of how easily public perception can be manipulated.

And that manipulation is my point.

The real loser in the Justin Baldoni x Blake Lively drama isn’t either of them—it’s YOU.

It might feel like Blake is standing up for women when her team strategically backs her claims with the right words and examples. It might seem like Justin is a victim of mob mentality when he shares receipts that show her allegations actually had consent.

But here’s the reality: a smear campaign is often met with…another smear campaign. Its PR 101.

Now, consider the money trail:

• Blake’s Target launch saw record-breaking sales—only to face an unprecedentedly high return rate due to bad product / packaging. That’s a financial hit.

• Justin poured his own money into his film, only for it to underperform. He’s likely staring at a painful ROI.

Both are unreliable narrators. Blake has a history of dishonesty. Justin, who’s built a brand as a “vulnerable, supportive man,” has texts circulating that contradict that image.

Again, this isn’t about my personal bias—I’m not here to pick sides.

My stance is simple:

the more you invest in their back-and-forth, the more you lose.

The PR machine is hard at work, shaping every headline to manipulate what you think. This isn’t about truth or justice—it’s about influence. The media isn’t a neutral observer; it’s a tool used by publicists to control narratives, make consumers feel BIG emotions, and protect brands that pay the big bucks.

So, who should you believe?

In my opinion, no one.

Believe only what you see with your own eyes.

When a feud is this public, it’s intentional. This is PR warfare, designed to generate clicks, stir emotions, make you mad and triggered and personally involved, while keeping you hooked. Meanwhile, the public—the people consuming this spectacle—is being played. I’ve seen celebrities (I’ve seen them personally mind you) take 20 interviews about a wrongdoing, crying publicly about what they’ve endured, only to get off the interview, smile and say “oh my fans are gonna LOVE that”.

Remember - we don’t have massive careers on the line like they do. But also remember the old PR adage: All press is good press. Skilled publicists will spin this into a win for both of them eventually.

But what about you?

You’re the one stuck in this metaphorical divorce, as Justin and Blake’s PR teams deploy sentiment trackers and word clouds to gauge your beliefs. There are meetings celebrating a viral TikTok raving about how one of them is disgusting. Meetings to decide how to twist a storyline into one that benefits them. I know this, I’ve been in these meetings.

If you refuse to play along—if you stop giving this celebrity fanfare your time, energy, and attention—the rules of the game will have to change. PR will have to find a new way to gauge your interest without hooking you and keeping us all addicted.

The real enemy isn’t Justin or Blake. It’s the PR machine driving all of this.

And as long as we stay engrossed in their drama, the only ones who really lose are us.

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In:

• Substack ayyyyyyyyy

• 1099 > Being an employee

• Being proud of yourself

• Youtube Vlog Content

• Dinner parties

• Paint by numbers

• Traveling locally

• Supporting female led brands

• Calling a situationship a “lover”

• Bourbon neat

• Muting and Blocking

• Pasta for the table

• Making new friends

• Brands inviting loyal consumers on trips

Out:

• Obsession with celebrities (also: DeuxMoi)

• Complaining about algorithms

• “Slams Laptop Shut Til Monday”

• Bad IG ads

• Being afraid of risks

• Choosing the cheaper option

• Aperol Spritz

• Twitter

• Being mean to followers

• Interview Style Podcasts

• Poor use of the word “boundary”

• Unread texts

• Too much blush

• Influencer collabs

• Dry January

• Book a 30 min consulting call as an approved advisor through The North

• Hire me as a business consultant - more info here.

Make sure to follow me on IG @ashli_p ❤️

More to come!

(I have some secrets up my sleeve…ps mark your cals for January 30 👀)

ILYSM! x

Weekly Reminder: "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Mahatma Gandhi

Guys I found the best ChatGPT prompt that we all need this holiday season:

Here are links to x amount of recipes. Please make a grocery list organized by section of the grocery store of all ingredients, make a plan of what order to cook everything, and make a list of equipment needed.

Thank me later - it changed my life lol As the designated (ok self appointed) host of all family events, I love to cook the dishes, bake all the cookies, and create a signature cocktail of course for all holidays. Here’s my mood board of what I’m aiming to achieve this year:

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I’m watching When Harry Met Sally (my favorite movie of all time ❤️) and reflecting on this year and it’s all been such a doozy - more on that another time. But it’s also been truly one of the hardest years of my life. Last time I had a year like this I got 4 little tiny baby tattoos and lemme just say I am fighting the URGE right now lol Why are tattoos such a great goodbye to bad years?!?!?!? It’s not even that this year was bad but moreso that literally - and i mean literally - nothing went the way it was supposed to. Now, that doesn’t mean I hate what I got or how things unfurled. It’s just that I have been begging for things to go my way just one fucking time all year and being met with a large “ehhhhhhhhhhh prolly not” from the universe at every turn.

That kind of disappointment is a bit easier to digest in a full time job with a salary.

But as a business owner of 4 businesses and teams, full time employees, and famous clients who are being written about in press, you just gotta keep truckin along you know?

And truck I have. I’m proud of that about myself. Nothing really breaks me.

And then I have people like my therapist (hey girl I know you read this ily lol) who worry that nothing can break me. At some point if I tell you I “went to a spa for 4 months”…it’s probably because of this point lol

Why do I tell you this? Well for 1 I’m a big believer that you don’t share the wound you share the scar. And this whole year has felt like my plans were thrown in the air and I was just grasping at anything that made sense to get it through. But the past month reaaaally looks like those puzzle pieces are clicking into place. Thank. God.

The point here is that - whether you are here as a friend of mine, a consumer of my content, a fellow entrepreneur, a client, or idk someone else - the best thing I learned from walking through a rainstorm of a year, was that the walking is what got me out. Any direction is the right direction when you’re seeking solace and the grace you give yourself will be equivalent to the strength that gets you through.

I hope this doesn’t resonate because you had the best year of your life! And if it does resonate, you’re not alone x

This Matilda Djerf Drama Keeps Me Up At Night || Read more

• Can we talk about the Matilda Djerf workplace drama? Strange because I literally wrote about her last week too 👀 I keep thinking about how she’s being called psychotic by ex-employees, and honestly, it always makes me reflect on how I’d handle something similar. Stories like this remind me that good leaders do their best, but there are also people who maybe need to take a hard look at themselves before stepping into leadership. Running a team isn’t just about skills—it’s about accountability, humility, and creating a space where people feel valued. It’s a tough reminder that leadership starts with the work you do on yourself first. I hope she finds her way and truly learns this lesson.

The Tiktok Ban is Looking a Lot More Real || Read more

• and it’s BEYOND infuriating. This “silly little app” has put real dollars in the pockets of women, families, single moms, etc. and now we’ve got one month until it’s potentially gone. Google and Meta have plenty of foreign involvement too, but they paid off the right people to make sure no one cares (lookin at you orange man!). This isn’t just about creators—it’s a significant loss of income for hundreds of thousands of people, but because it’s not Wall Street, bad behavior doesn’t get the same pass. God forbid someone tests a banker’s desk for cocaine residue. The hypocrisy is mind-blowing. And of course, I have thoughts:

Fazit Launches in 400 CVS Stores and is Aimed for $40M- Yes, the Glitter Freckles Brand || Read more

• This $40M brand started with a simple, Taylor Swift-inspired idea, and now it’s everywhere. Who knew that press on glitter freckles would be so monumental? It’s such a great example of how a small, creative concept can absolutely take off when done well. If there’s one thing I always tell founders, it’s start with one product. Nail that, build demand, and watch what happens—you don’t need to launch with 20 SKUs to make a massive impact. So, if you’ve got an idea that’s been sitting on the back burner, consider this your sign to go for it. Who knows, maybe you’re next!

Skims IPO is Good for Women - Even if you Hate Kim Kardashian || Read more

• Skims potentially positioning to IPO is a huge moment—not just for Kim Kardashian’s empire, but for how women-led brands are disrupting male-dominated industries. This isn’t just shapewear anymore; it’s a billion-dollar powerhouse redefining inclusivity and modern consumer marketing. What makes Skims so successful is its ability to deliver trend-driven products that people genuinely love and repurchase because the quality is there. If the IPO goes through, it’ll be a game-changer for how female-founded brands are valued. Important to note this is just a rumor so interested to see how it pans out.

Grace and Bri at Barstool Create Drama - But Is It Bad Drama? || Read more

• Imagine having a falling out with your closest friend because she’s dating a famously horrific boyfriend (lookin @ you Zach Bryan). It’s the kind of thing that would take a toll on anyone, let alone two public figures with careers in the spotlight. The real question isn’t about the drama itself, but how it affects their careers. Grace is on tour with Whitney Cummings and absolutely killing it, and Bri—well, I hate to say it—will do just fine. She’ll take accountability eventually, everyone will move on, and in six months, it’ll be a footnote. Sometimes drama really is good PR, and I hope they both find ways to turn a tough situation into a win. Above all and most importantly, I hope they remember how much they love each other.

Other news:

White Lotus Season 3 Trailer is Out | FORBES

These are the 10 best albums of 2024 | Hollywood Reporter

Amazon Regrets it’s RTO Order lol | Quartz

Studs x Stephanie Gottlieb?!? Say less. | Glossy

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No Good Deed

• I was on the EDGE OF MY SEAT the entire time. The writing, cast, and acting were all phenomenal—it’s the kind of mystery that keeps you guessing while still being funny and clever. I loved it so much I’m already thinking about rewatching it just to soak in all the details again. It’s smart, suspenseful, and endlessly entertaining. If you’re into brilliantly crafted thrillers with a twist of humor, this is a must-watch.

The Ultimatum Season 3

• The finale is on tonight, and I cannot WAIT—I’m counting the hours. This show is absolute trash in the best possible way—mindless, dramatic, and completely addictive. The tea is hot, the drama is wild, and every episode feels more chaotic than the last. It’s fascinating to watch these relationships unfold and think, "Who would actually do this?" If you need a show to completely check out with, this is the perfect "rot on the couch" escape.

Ronny Chieng: Love to Hate It

• I was SOBBING laughing at this stand-up special—it’s that good. I’ve always liked Ronny in the movies I’ve seen, but this was my first time catching his stand-up, and now I’m officially a huge fan. His timing, delivery, and the way every joke hit perfectly? Masterful. If you’re in the mood for something hysterically relatable, this is your next watch.

Bala || https://bala.co

• Bala is the brand you’ve seen everywhere—and I’m so proud to say I was an early adopter. Their sleek, stylish fitness products have completely changed the way people think about working out, making it more fun and accessible. The founder, Natalie, was an advisor to me while I was building Me Time, and her guidance was invaluable. She opened her network, offered incredible insights, and supported me every step of the way. I love cheering Bala on and supporting everything they’re building—it’s a brand I’ll always root for.

Dieux || https://dieuxskin.com

• Charlotte, the founder of Dieux, is the perfect example of how caring deeply about your product and your audience makes marketing look effortless. Dieux’s products, like the Forever Eye Mask, are sustainable, thoughtful, and ridiculously effective—everything you want in modern skincare. Charlotte’s approach proves that when you lead with intention and integrity, the world takes notice. This brand is setting the standard for what beauty can be: innovative, inclusive, and planet-friendly. If you haven’t tried Dieux yet, let this be your sign—it’s worth the hype.

Boys Lie || https://boyslieofficial.com

• Boys Lie is the viral, new-age Von Dutch for the Gen Z audience, and honestly? I’m obsessed. With bold designs and unapologetic messaging, every piece feels like a statement of resilience and self-expression. They’ve tapped into something powerful: a community of people turning heartbreak and underestimation into strength and style. It’s not just clothing—it’s a vibe, a cultural moment, and an energy you can wear. If you’re looking to channel your inner badass, Boys Lie is the way to do it.

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• Book a 30 min consulting call as an approved advisor through The North

• Hire me as a business consultant - more info here.

Make sure to follow me on IG @ashli_p ❤️

More to come! (I have some secrets up my sleeve…ps mark your cals for January 30 👀) ILYSM! x

PS I’ll be skipping next week for Christmas! Hope you have the best holiday ever <3

Weekly Reminder: "When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” Lao Tzu

Man guys - the word of the week is GRACE (or wooosahhhhh lol).

This week reminded me how unpredictable running a business (or even managing one!) can be. Some weeks feel seamless, like everything is clicking into place. And then there are the ones where something goes wrong—a mix-up, a missed detail, or a human error that catches you off guard. It’s humbling, but it’s also where the biggest lessons come from if you’re willing to lean in.

Our team had one of those moments. A mistake happened with a client, and while it wasn’t catastrophic, it was something we needed to address. We fixed the internal process, had a direct and empathetic conversation with the client, and came out the other side stronger. What stood out to me most wasn’t the mistake itself, but how much I trust my team to take responsibility, learn, and grow.

Leadership isn’t about demanding perfection, and it’s definitely not about tearing people down when things go wrong. Real leadership is about creating a space where mistakes can happen, owning up to them with grace, and trusting in the people you’ve chosen to build with. It’s about believing in your work, your team, and your ability to navigate through any outcome.

It’s a reminder to give yourself a little grace, too. We’re all doing the best we can—especially this time of year when life feels both magical and overwhelming. Mistakes happen, but so do moments of growth and connection. Trust yourself, trust the process, and keep moving forward.

Also - I finally bought a Mac laptop so you guys back off my jock annnnnnd my dream Dior heels. That way when I’m having a bad week, at least I’m doing so with Airdrop capabilities and snuggled in my bed…wearing my too-expensive-dream-heels.

Speaking of connection, this week has also been filled with so much time with family, and my heart is full. I saw Wicked for the second time (yes, I cried again—it’s inevitable). I spent sweet, snuggly moments with my 3.5-year-old nephew and my newborn niece (my sister finally shared her on social media, so now I get to talk about her!). And we wrapped it all up with dance parties while decorating for Christmas with my mom. Just feeling the magic of Christmas what can I say!!!!!

I hope your holiday season is off to a joyful start and that you’re finding little moments to soak it all in. Can’t wait to chat again next week! x Ashli

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Alex Cooper launches Unwell Hydration || Read more

• Alex Cooper’s move into wellness with Unwell Hydration is a bold pivot—can the podcast queen replicate her success in the beverage aisle? Some are questioning, and when I say some, I mean me. The criticism is mostly that millennials don’t want to carry something that says UNWELL and places like Sweetgreen won’t pick it up. I don’t see either of those as an issue as the positioning for this is clearly a college / high school girl - a smart move for Cooper. My 2 criticisms are that 1) Nestle is producing it which feels strange because there’s litterallyy no acquisition opportunity? and 2) It’s basically a sugar water drink. Not like I expected nutritional value out the wazoo but I do think she’s shown herself as someone who does things meticulously and it feels like a miss not to give the people an innovative beverage that…oh I don’t know…works? Feels like a cash grab, but when all celeb brands are, at least this one feels like it marginally makes sense.

Pantone announces 2025 color is “Mocha Mousse” || Read more

• and totally missed the mark IMO - but tbh they always do lol They claimed peach of all colors was the 2024 color?!? This was the year of the Primary - bold blues, reds, greens with the rise of sporty attire. Mocha beige is out and if I see anything for next year, I see the lime green continuing into more neons (especially with Polly Pocket movie launching).

Cult brand Hotel Lobby Candle starts shift into Hotel Lobby Home || Read more

• Expanding into Hotel Lobby Home feels like a natural progression for this cult-favorite brand led by Lindsay Silberman and I’m so excited to see what more is done here.

Nikki Glaser set to host Golden Globes || Read more

• Nikki Glaser hosting the Golden Globes is a refreshing departure from the usual suspects—finally, an awards show that might actually feel fun.

The Eras Tour ends after 2 years, $2B,…and 10B Attendees later || Read more

• Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour ends as the highest-grossing tour of all time, proving yet again that her cultural dominance isn’t just a moment—it’s a movement. I do think my biggest regret in life will be not going to this show, but it just wasn’t in the cards for me. So happy for all the happy smiles we saw on our screens with this show each weekend though. Proof how much music can bring people together.

Rhode x Matilda Djerf pair up for "Peppermint Glaze" lip balm || Read more

• The Rhode x Matilda Djerf collab feels like a no-brainer—Djerf’s effortless cool and Rhode’s cult appeal make Peppermint Glaze an instant must-have. Such a smart collab as both can benefit from each other.

Sarah Shapiro joins the publication Puck and it’s “Line Sheet” newsletter || Read morre

• Sarah Shapiro joining Puck’s Line Sheet signals a fresh perspective on retail—expect sharp insights and a much-needed shake-up in affiliate marketing coverage. As a fan of both, I’m excited for this! If you’re not reading Puck, you’re missing out on the best publication in a long time tbh.

Other news:

Coca Cola rolls back sustainability measures | CNN

Steven Madden buys ATM Clothing | WWD

Yes there’s already Luigi Mangione Merch | The Cut

Wicked Author shares his opinion on the lesbian subtext of main characters | IMDB

Crown Affair ||

https://www.crownaffair.com

• I’ll admit it—I’m particular about what I use in my hair. My shampoo and conditioner? Classic drugstore TRESemmé (specifically Deep Clean which I think they discontinued so now I use the volume one!), and it’s been my go-to for basically my whole life. But the real reason I get so many compliments on my hair? The Crown Affair mask. This mask is the secret weapon I didn’t know I needed until I tried it. It leaves my hair feeling soft, healthy, and just the right amount of glossy without ever weighing it down. Pair it with their leave-in conditioner and hair oil, and it’s a full-on transformation. The products feel luxurious but still simple and effective, which is exactly what I look for. I’m a fan, you could say. If you’re ready to elevate your hair routine without overcomplicating it, Crown Affair is the brand to try. Customer for life here.

Brinker and Eliza ||

https://brinkerandeliza.com

• I’ve been a fan of Brinker and Eliza since day one—because I know firsthand how special Eliza is. We worked together at Rebecca Minkoff, and let me tell you, she was always the SWEETEST person at the job, with a peppy upbeat and happy atttitude every day. Jus such a gem. When she left to start this line with her mom, I knew it would be something incredible—and they’ve absolutely delivered. Their pieces are handcrafted in Connecticut, and you can feel the care and love they pour into every design. I splurged on the Up the Ante necklace during one of my biggest years in business, and it’s become my go-to for everything: casual days, travel, or a big night out. Without fail, I get compliments every time I wear it. There’s something so special about a mother-daughter duo creating pieces that feel playful yet timeless, bold yet wearable. It’s jewelry that doesn’t just accessorize—it elevates. Whether you’re looking to treat yourself or find something meaningful to gift, Brinker and Eliza is the kind of brand you’ll fall in love with and keep coming back to.

NYON New York or Nowhere ||

https://newyorkornowhere.com

• New York or Nowhere is a lifestyle and apparel brand co-founded by Quincy Moore and Liz Eswein, the curator behind the popular @newyorkcity Instagram account. The brand captures the essence of New York City's unique energy and spirit, offering designs that resonate with both residents and admirers worldwide. Their flagship store in Nolita serves as a hub for those who cherish the city's distinct vibe. What sets New York or Nowhere apart is its commitment to quality and authenticity. Each piece reflects the founders' deep connection to the city, making their products more than just apparel—they're a statement of identity and pride. Supporting this business means backing a brand that genuinely embodies the heart and soul of New York. I have a tote, a hoodie, socks, and a print from there which you’ve probably seen on my Youtube behind me (like how I almost got arrested breaking into fashion week or how I stalked someone at Vogue for a dress for Nicki Minaj lol), or on zoom calls together <3

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• The Telepathy Tapes (Podcast): I CANT STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PODCAST. The Telepathy Tapes has me completely obsessed and mindblown. The podcast, led by documentarian Ky Dickens, shares that she has found a connection in autistic people that shows they might be able to speak telepathically and read peoples minds. This mind sound like a mindbending thriller but her data will SHOCK you. It’s the kind of podcast that keeps you thinking after it’s over. I’m beyond hooked—it’s wild, thought-provoking, and absolutely impossible to stop listening. You HAVE to listen.

• Abortion, Everyday (Substack):

  Abortion, Every Day

  is part of the reason my thoughts on abortion is so cemented. I’m a data, numbers, logic girlie and as someone who was raised to think people who have abortions are the devil, it’s been such an eye opener to see how many women are lost due to LACK of access to this procedure. One that we have EVERY right to make, for truly any reason. If you don’t agree that abortion is a healthcare right for all women, then you probably aren’t reading this from me anyway lol BUT if you don’t agree - I encourage you to learn the other side. It’s not “I wanna fuck dudes every day and then say oopsie”. It’s about autonomy, choice, and a country that wants women DEEPLY suppressed.

• How Language Shapes How We Speak (Ted Talk): I come back to this Ted Talk the most of all of them (I have seen so many Ted Talks I love them so much) but this one takes the cake. Just watch it - it’s super quick. I think it helps us all to remember that even if we speak the same language, we may not be thinking the same way.

• The Daily Hype (Podcast): Shhhhh this one is our secret! 4 years ago I started a podcast called The Daily Hype. I recorded every. single. day. for a year. and then pumped those same episodes back out for 6 months. Fast forward 2.5 years of not paying attention to it all, I checked it in March and saw that THOUSANDS of women were listening every single day. It was kind of wild tbh! But it did inspire me to bring it back in a small way. So now, Mon Wed Fri (i hope - give me grace!!) I’ll be posting these 10 min episodes for you to digest and learn more about yourself, about life, about connection, etc. You can check out my reviews here and here’s my most recent episode:

• Book a 30 min consulting call as an approved advisor through The North

• Hire me as a business consultant - more info here.

• Want to chitchat? Shoot me a DM! I’ll respond <3

More to come! (I have some secrets up my sleeve…ps mark your cals for January 30 👀)

As this moves along, I foresee adding:

• Articles I’ve been recommended by you / that I’ve read

• Recipes I’ve loved lately

• and a million other ideas that I wanna marinate on

For now, stay cocky. Thank you for everything <3

ILYSM! x

It probably is, let’s be real. But alas - hi guys, whats up. I’m Ashli - some of you I know super well, some of you have been following my career since I was at Prada, or worked with Kendall and Kylie Jenner on one of their brands, some of you followed me since I started my first business, and some of you have only found me recently. I’ve got a lot of life under these wings, I gotta tell ya.

I also don’t really know how to do this whole intro without sounding like a name-dropping asshole so I’ll simply redirect you here where my website can do that for me.

I always tell people that when I talk about my career and professional journey, I genuinely feel like I’m lying. Oscar de la Renta, Gucci, Prada, now even at the agency I started we have/have had Katy Perry as a client, Brooke Shields, Elaine Welteroth - the list goes on. My brain’s like - what part of this am I making up?!

I can’t believe the life I’ve had so far. And I’m equally proud of this whole road. I’ve made some baller memories so far at the ripe age of 36, and I’ve also fucked up a lot of stuff, let’s be real lol

But here’s my question lol why do you care - why are you here? It’s not for my resume, or a bragging moment from yet another blonde white woman online, and I really hope this doesn’t come off like that. I think what I’m trying to do is what every PR agent will tell you to do when you have a viral moment: “prove your authority”. And in all honesty, I think it’s because this is all a bit nerve wrecking to me.

The marketer in me who wants to reach women and empower them and stand up for them says “take this moment and CATAPULT!”. But the human I am who reads the DMs I get from men who are angry about me speaking out about happily single and childfree still wants to hide a bit from all of this.

Maybe “prove your authority” is my shield to get people to stand down a bit. “I earned my spot okay!!!” it’s like I’m saying.

I think as we grow together some of my “get to know me” facts will just happen though. You don’t NEED to know every single thing quite yet right? You’ll soon find out all the things. I see this as our first date, anyway. Let’s ease into it.

For now - here are a couple facts you may enjoy to start:

• I’m an Aries (a shock to literally nobody) and I was born on my mom’s birthday. I know - awwwwww

• I’m from St Louis (and moved back 2 years ago “temporarily” lol oops) but my home is New York where I lived for 11+ years. I’m getting a 2nd place / moving back in a few months and I could literally cry I’m so happy. I miss it every single day - cliche, but true. I’m a New Yorker in my bones.

• I have swapped my love of books for my obsession with podcasts and Substacks. I blame working in social media for my inability to sit still long enough. Or maybe that I want to hear and read whatever genre I’m into for the next 10 minutes then switch gears completely.

For now, I think that’s a sufficient intro? I plan to do a few things with this personal part of this COCKY space but my motivation is mostly selfish, I have to warn you. As someone who has built other businesses for 15 years, and been BTS building my own for 4, I’m craving a space where I get to be a person. A real human person! lol

Not a boss. Not the one who signs the contracts. Not a decision maker, or an expert, or the bad guy. All the things you inevitably become as an entrepreneur.

In the newsletters from me, I want to be just Ashli.

What I’m into. What I’m learning. What’s inspiring me or pissing me off or making me feel something. And sure, at times what I’m proud of with my work at Dial Zero, or investments I’ve made with Cocky Ventures, or meetups we’re having with The Doers or podcasts we’re working with at Fast Forward Production.

But mostly - a peek into the life of a single childfree entrepreneurial woman who loves to cook, cuddle with her nephews/nieces, and travel the world.

I hope you stick around.

Leave a comment here and say hi? I’d love it 🫶🏼

See you next week xx Ashli

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Panache Brooklyn // https://www.panachebklyn.com

• Maybe I’m biased because this is my best friend’s brand, and I’ve had the privilege of watching her build it entirely from scratch (and run it solo, mind you!). But I’m telling you—her creativity is truly bar none. She consistently delivers the most stunning photoshoots, the most thoughtful product designs, and packaging that’s next-level gorgeous. This woman paints custom bags, creates incredible products, and puts so much care into every single detail—it’s beyond, beyond, beyond anything I’ve ever seen. Her brain is honestly a marvel, and every time she unveils something new, I’m left in awe. So is her community, by the way. People love what she creates. Oh, and did I mention she was just featured in Vogue? Yeah. She’s that talented. If you’re into special pieces that are designed with extraordinary care, thoughtfulness, and wit, you have to check out what she makes. Sure, I might be biased—but I’m also spot on. This is a brand you’ll want to remember.

Fashivly // https://fashivly.com

• Guys - I genuinely cannot say enough great things about Fashivly. I’m OBsessed with this service!!! MONEY. WELL. SPENT. After over a decade in the fashion industry, you’d think I’d love fashion and getting dressed and shopping. However, the opposite occurred. Working for brands, you kind of have to fit their aesthetic, wear their clothes, model their vision and I lost myself in a lot of that tbh. Exiting the industry was a massive identity crisis for me - what do I wear? What IS my style?! After a couple years spent inside (cause well, covid), I was ready to get back into feelin myself and wearing what feels modern and fitting. But I needed some help. I paid for Fashivly last year and every quarter, I’ve invested in them, bought clothes from their recommendations, and watched their business scale. It’s SUCH a delight to support them and they kill it every time. Whether you want to spend very little, invest in some pieces, use items you already own, you simply fill out a questionnaire of what you like, and they send you a curated packet of style choices that are right for you. BEST money I’ve spent!

Alice Mushrooms // https://alicemushrooms.com

• Am I in love with a chocolate company? Why yes I am, thank you very much. Alice Mushrooms combines chocolate with legal and non-mind altering (aka no youre not getting high lol) mushrooms that literally make your focus out of this world. Now these mushrooms are widely used, they’re nothin new, you can find them in different teas, or drinks, or powders, and guess what? They taste like garbage. But one square of Alice Mushrooms focus and I’m in the freakin zooooone ready to kill it at work, dialed in like none other. They also have other mushroom chocolates for things like sleep (which didnt work for me personally but I have insomnia so what do I know) and your sex drive, which I haven’t tried. But the focus? Bye. Hooked.

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• My Spotify Wrapped this week is 99% Wicked Soundtrack i refuse to lie to you ok. I am but a girl. But here are 3 podcast episodes that I’ve loved and can’t stop thinking about (come back to future newsletters for other recommendations like books, articles, etc):

  • Las Culturistas by Bowen Yang and Matt Richards w/ Cynthia Erivo: I’ve loved her portion of this press junket the most tbh. She LOVES discussing the technicality and the logistics of how she uses her voice and how it was used through the film Wicked and I could listen to her discuss it non stop. Plus, her take on their infamous “I don’t think so honey” segment - I couldn’t agree more. You’ll have to listen to get it.

  • Ahead of the Curve by Coco Mocoe - Stop Trying to Be A TikToker (): As someone who works in social media and is consistently wanting to pull her hair out 1 by 1 with the horrific algorithms we deal with on a daily basis, I loved this take from a seasoned TikToker about how much TikTok has changed. It used to be a platform where people could catapult. But is it still as strong? She argues no…do you?

  • Working Hard, Hardly Working by Grace Beverly w/ Laney Crowell: As someone who strongly feels like my 10 years of focus in my career, my 6 year relationship, my 11 years in NYC did wonders for me, it also feels like it all happened SO fast. I highly recommend young people but all of us really remember that time goes by so fast, yet so much happens in that time. I loved this reminder and such a great podcast in general for women in business.

  • Girls Gotta Eat by Ashley Hess and Rayna Greenberg w/ ME as their special guest!! Who would I be if I didn’t share this one too??!?!

    I grew up thinking 36 was far too old to get married, and now being single, 36, childfree, and VERY happy, I’m happy to know how wrong I was. Sharing the way my life has changed by choosing myself is a message I hope all women hear, digest, and remember when going through life. You are not who loves you or doesn’t. You are not a ring on your finger. You are not only destined to be a mother or a wife. You are a human and I’m glad that I’ve chosen not to settle, and to always prioritize what makes me feel happy.

Weekly Reminder: All you can really control is yourself <3

• Book a 30 min consulting call as an approved advisor through The North

• Hire me as a business consultant - more info here.

• Want to chitchat? Shoot me a DM! I’ll respond <3

More to come! (I have some secrets up my sleeve…ps mark your cals for January 30 👀)

As this moves along, I foresee adding:

• Articles I’ve been recommended by you / that I’ve read

• What’s in my Cart (to feature female founded brands)

• Recipes I’ve loved lately

• and a million other ideas that I wanna marinate on

For now, stay cocky. Thank you for everything <3

ILYSM! x

The last few days—since the election results, since the cabinet appointments—have been a whirlwind of emotions that I can barely hold.

I’m angry. Furious, even. I’ve caught myself glaring at my screen, gritting my teeth at every headline, every smug comment, every gleeful celebration of what feels like a collective step backward. I’m frustrated—by the lack of urgency, the apathy, the people who claim to care but stay silent when it matters most.

And I’m scared. Scared for the people I love. Scared for the people whose rights are now hanging by a thread, who are bracing for what might come next. Scared of how this cycle keeps repeating itself, no matter how hard we fight.

But here’s the thing I’m reminding myself: it’s okay to feel all of this. It’s okay to sit in it for a while. We’re allowed to be angry, reactive, frustrated, and terrified. These feelings are valid. They’re real. And if you’re feeling them, too, you’re not alone.

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Acknowledging the Work and the Heartbreak

I keep thinking about the Black women who showed up in overwhelming numbers to vote blue, just like they always do. To them, I owe my deepest gratitude. Once again, they carried so much of this election, so much of this country, on their backs. And once again, they did it without enough recognition, without enough support.

I see you. I honor you. And I will always fight to stand beside you.

I think about trans men and women, whose existence continues to be debated and dismissed. Whose rights are threatened in every corner of this political landscape. To you, I say: I will always stand up for you. Every single time.

And then there’s this quieter, more insidious heartbreak: the faith I keep trying to hold in the white people I know. The ones who say all the right things but don’t show up when it counts. The ones who voted red because they didn’t think it would “really” hurt anyone. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what to do with that yet, but I know I’m not the only one feeling it.

If you’re feeling this way, too, I want you to know: it’s okay. You’re allowed to feel it all. Give yourself the grace to feel whatever comes up. None of this is easy, and it’s not supposed to be.

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But This Can’t Be Forever

That said, I know this: anger can’t be my forever place.

The truth is, the only way through the next four years is by staying aligned with our values. For me, that means staying grounded in what makes me smile, even when it feels impossible to find. Because I won’t let this world, this political climate, these choices I didn’t make, take away who I am.

I love to laugh. I’m a goofball at heart. I’m the person who loves a prank, will play dinosaurs with my nephew in a crowded mall no matter how dumb i look, whose laugh is so annoying you can hear it a mile away, who enjoys the absurdity of life. And I refuse to lose that.

Finding Joy in Hard Times

Now, I know positivity isn’t always easy. Sometimes it feels like a scavenger hunt where all the clues are written in invisible ink. But finding the good in a time that you feel suffocated is a rebellion. It’s the way forward. It’s a declaration that, no matter what’s happening, I’m still here. We’re still here.

I’m finding this grounding feeling in the small things:

• The way my 3 year old nephew looked at me while we were making blueberry pancakes and said “I love laughing with you Ashi”

• The first sip of coffee in the morning, when the world feels quiet and all feels ok

• Singing off-key and loudly to the Billie Eilish album or Wicked soundtrack

• Making a new pasta recipe for family dinner

Moments like this remind me what I’m fighting for. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine or forcing myself to feel happy when I don’t. It’s about creating space for the things that make this chaotic life worth living.

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Rooting in Connection

I’m also finding joy in connection—in knowing that I’m not alone in this. That there are people who care as deeply as I do, who are showing up, fighting, and dreaming of a better world. It’s in the moments of solidarity, the late-night conversations, the reminders that we’re all in this together.

And I’m finding joy in action. Taking small steps, even when it feels like the problems are too big to solve. Donating to causes that matter. Volunteering time to organize efforts for women’s rights nationwide. Supporting businesses and creators who align with my values. These actions don’t solve everything, but they remind me that I’m not powerless.

Choosing Myself, Every Day

The next four years won’t be easy. But I refuse to let them take away my laughter, my hope, or my ability to find beauty in this life. I refuse to lose sight of who I am and what I believe.

So I’m choosing joy. Every day. I’m choosing to find it, create it, protect it—because it’s not just something we feel. It’s something we fight for.

And if you’re reading this, I hope you’ll join me. Not in ignoring the hard stuff, but in holding onto the moments that make it all worth it. Let’s fight, let’s laugh, let’s live. Together.

Because even in the darkest times, joy is still here. We just have to find it.

I’ve fielded questions from every major news outlet in the U.S., with many inquiries from the U.K. as well. The coverage has been overwhelming, but obviously traditional articles and sound bites only allow for so much context. So for all of us - I want to make it abundantly clear where I stand on issues that affect women, my truth about this election, and why I’m done tolerating a society that asks us to play small.

First, let’s set one thing straight: The movement for women’s autonomy and safety is not about hating men. If I didn’t believe men were capable of decency and compassion, there would be no disappointment, no anger. How could I be disappointed by foul men if I believe they are foul to begin with? It is because I know there are incredible men—great men I’m related to, great men I’ve dated, great men I count as friends—that I’m frustrated by those who fail to meet that standard. I believe men can be better, but they need to want it. They need to care.

What’s happening in America right now is terrifying for women. And if that feels like an exaggeration to you, I urge you to read on.

Being a Woman in America: Our Reality

Let’s talk numbers. In the United States, 1 in 4women will experience abuse within their own homes. That statistic only includes cases we know about—those who are brave enough to report it, or those who have support networks able to help. Many more are silenced by fear, shame, or a lack of resources. But let’s take that 1-in-4 figure as a starting point: Imagine walking down the street, sitting in a classroom, or working in an office. Statistically, one of every four women you encounter has likely experienced abuse in her own home. That’s the tip of the iceberg.

And the reality of being a woman in America doesn’t start at home.

• We are taught from an early age to be on guard.

• We learn to carry our keys between our fingers in case we need a weapon on demand.

• We share our location with friends so they know we’re safe on dates.

• When we walk to our cars at night, we check over our shoulders anytime we hear a sound.

• We can’t go running at night.

• We’re warned to avoid certain outfits, certain places, certain people.

• In bars, there’s a code word we use to order a fake drink with bartenders that many know is a signal that we’re unsafe.

• We’re told to walk a certain way, hold our heads a certain way, all to avoid being seen as “weak” or “easy prey.”

• When dating, we’re scared to reject men, because we know that there are women who’ve been attacked or even killed for saying “no” too forcefully.

• We lie to our Uber drivers that we’re going to our “friends” house so they don’t know where we live.

• We tell delivery drivers that our husbands are upstairs so they don’t force entry.

This is everyday life for us. This is what it is to be a woman. I have felt and do all of the above. Most if not all women you know have done the same.

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Marriage, Motherhood, and the Myth of Choice

When we do get married, we’re expected to be traditional wives, and in many cases, women are carrying invisible labor. Women are not just maintaining households; they’re managing children, and more often than not, they’re taking on an emotional burden of our husbands as well.

If they cheat, you’re terrible for not forgiving them. Women stay together for the kids to be selfless instead of leaving for someone who respects them. Women put up with harsh attitudes towards their children or themselves because “Daddy had a hard day at work today but he loves you very much”.

When it comes to starting a family, many women are pressured or forced into roles they may not want, or are judged harshly if they choose not to.

The fear of forced birth is real.

In today’s America, I can be walking down the street, be spotted by a man with bad intentions who forces himself on me, and if got pregnant by that man’s violent action, I could be forced to carry that child to term.

I could be forced into a lifetime of financial burden, loss of identity, and an experience that may feel more like indentured servitude than a blessing.

I would be forced to cover the financial burden of paying for those hospital and doctors bills. I could be worried about the loss of my own life since women’s mortality is worse in the U.S. than in many other developed nations.

I would be forced to cover the cost of that child which is quoted to be approx $750,000 per child over their life in today’s world.

“But what about the future of the child?”

But what about the future of the mother? Who had dreams, who had ambition, who had a savings for their life ahead?

Now, if I get pregnant, not only do I have to worry about the astronomical costs of healthcare, but I could also be legally bound to bear a child I did not choose.

Even worse - if that child is a product of incest, that woman forever will be asked “and where is the father?” only to be forced to lie, cover up, or answer honestly “it was my dad”. Carrying that shame forever is not the way you want anyone to live.

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Abortion Is About Autonomy, Not Irresponsibility

Let’s be clear: Abortion is not about women being “careless” with their bodies or their lives. For most women, the ability to make a decision about whether to carry a pregnancy is the last shred of control they have in a society that constantly restricts them. Men are allowed access to condoms, and they can make decisions about their sexual health without fear of imprisonment. For women, however, those choices are not so simple. And now, many states are passing laws that would punish women and their doctors more harshly for an abortion than a man who commits rape.

Correct - there are states where the rapist could serve less time than the doctor who performs the abortion.

These laws are not about protecting life; they are about controlling women. I consider myself pro-life in the sense that I value life deeply. I’ve never faced an unwanted pregnancy, and I know that comes with immense privilege. I have a village. I have a massive career and have started 4 businesses that help me feel financially unburdened.

But I am also aware that not every woman has the financial means, the family support, or the emotional capacity to raise a child under such circumstances.

This is not about "flippant women sleeping around."

I’m pro-choice because this is about allowing women basic human autonomy. It’s not my choice to force women into motherhood. It’s about understanding that a person’s future—particularly a woman’s—is forever altered by unwanted pregnancy. Our lives, our opportunities, our futures should not be sacrificed for a system that values control over compassion.

The Legal Double Standard and Why It’s Dangerous

It’s impossible to be a woman in America today and feel safe. Brock Turner, a man convicted of sexual assault, served a mere six months because he was deemed to have a “promising future.”

What about the promising future of the woman he assaulted? What about the women who have died because they needed an abortion to survive, but their doctors feared losing their licenses? What about the women who are denied necessary healthcare simply because they live in a state that treats them as second-class citizens?

When you look at cases like Brett Kavanaugh, who was elevated to the Supreme Court despite multiple accusations of assault, it’s clear: We are not protected in our own country. Men in power face minimal repercussions for actions that devastate the lives of women.

And now, these same men are deciding on our rights and futures.

One of them is the President-elect.

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My Personal Stakes

What’s interesting is that I’ve observed first hand that my voice is often heard and understood differently than other women in my family, or other women I know. I’ve been told that I am heard differently simply because of my success, and that’s another terrifying reality—many women aren’t granted respect until they’ve “earned” it, usually through massive effort and sacrifice.

And when we do speak up, the backlash is horrifying. I’ve received messages from men threatening to rape me, to find out where I live so they can scare me, who want to punish me for speaking out.

These men are someone’s friend, son, or co-worker. They might be your friend, son, or co-worker. And they are being told it’s ok by a society that approves their behavior by letting them go unchecked. You can’t look past how our President-elect and his method of speaking about women won’t create violence against women over the next 4 years.

For anyone who considers themselves pro-life, I ask:

• Are you comfortable with being pro-forced birth?

• Are you okay with women being denied the autonomy to make decisions for their lives, even when they are in communities that lack education? Where they don’t have the funds to move states?

• Are you prepared to tell women that they must sacrifice their health, their future, and their dreams for a pregnancy they did not choose?

• Are you ok knowing women WILL - not might - WILL die when leaving this decision to the states or worse when allowing a federal ban?

To White Men and Moderate Women: It’s Time to Take a Stand

To white men, in particular: You hold so much power. You might even deem yourself one of the “good guys” who would never abuse your wife. Who would never allow a woman to be spoke to poorly in your presence.

That bar is in the basement. We need to rise far above that.

You have the ability to change the conversation, to create a safer world, to become allies in the truest sense. But that requires acknowledging the system you benefit from and choosing to be better.

It means having these conversations with your male friends in private about what you’re doing for women’s safety. It’s about knowing how to spot financial, emotional, and especially physical abuse in women so you can help them get out of bad situations. It means recognizing that this is not an outrage to a lost election. It’s an outrage to live this way and never feel safe in this country.

And to the moderate women who have remained silent: I have no idea how to lookat you. Your passive nature has made you complicit. You voted for cheaper groceries at the sacrifice of women who will die in communities you don’t live in because you’re not faced with these issues. I PRAY you never have to worry your life is on the line, as I’ve seen twice with my sister. You will learn very quickly that this is real. For white women too.

It’s not enough to be quietly supportive.

Your voice matters here, and your silence is felt.

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A Call to Shared Outrage and Action

We are exhausted from being afraid. We are tired of feeling unsafe in our own country. We are sick of a system that tells us our voices, our choices, and our lives matter less than men’s. So yes, we are angry. And we have every right to be. We are asking—not for your permission, but for your solidarity. It’s time for all of us to be as outraged as we deserve to be, to demand that women are treated with the respect, dignity, and safety every human being deserves.

This is the message women have been waiting to hear, and it’s time the world listens. Thank you for reading, for caring, and for standing with me.